NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
