the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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