I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
