Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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