college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
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Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
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I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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