She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
