yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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