There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
