I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
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Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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