I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
