do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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