Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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