May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
