Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
