Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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