Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
