your room smells of hookers.
And success
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
