i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
