can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
