Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
