it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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