He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
