just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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