He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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