im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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