Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
