Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
