so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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