I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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