a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
