all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
