Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
