I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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