this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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