I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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