Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
