I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
