Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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