It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You dont lie about slip and slides
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
