if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
