do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
