thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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