Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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