This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
