I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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