I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
