Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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