I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
