guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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