"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
