you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
