According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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