I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
