I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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