Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
