Pappa wants mamma naked
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I intend to get homeless drunk
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
