So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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