worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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