; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
