I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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